Todays thoughts

I wonder how many thoughts posts I can do before everyone gets super annoyed with me. WELL here is another one. For some reason I was looking at Aunt Mary's facebook page the other day. For the few of you that don't know she died of breast cancer in December. Of course I ended up crying by the time I was done. She was such a good mother to all. She was fun to be around and she is sooo missed by her children. I have never said a word to her children or husband about her death because I didn't know what to say. I often think I am going to make such a SUPER good nurse because I am oh so good with death and dying. I think the only one who knows how much her death bothered me is my mom. I called my mom and bawled my eyes out a couple weeks before she died and then have pretty much said nothing since. I wasn't able to attend the funeral and so with all my nursing drama I have just ignored that it happened but it did. It did and now there is a hole in our family, just like there is a hole with Grandma Ward gone. I DON'T LIKE HOLES!!!! I have never found a hole to be useful! I remember when I came home from my mission there was a HUGE hole in my heart that nothing could fill. Now there is two big holes in my family, its not like I can dump junk into them or fill them with dirt, It would feel so much better if I could just have the people back and the DAMN HOLES were gone. I know that death is part of the plan of salvation, I know all that good stuff but, it doesn't take away the holes!